Meet Santa
by The Author Number Two
Summary: Nathaniel is trying to turn his life around and do something good for once, so he decides to dress up as Santa for the enjoyment of kids at the local shopping centre. Which would have been fine, if he hadn't made Bartimaus come along as Rudolf. Slight NXK


_I was going to put this up after Christmas, but since I haven't posted anything for ages I thought I'd put it up now. Sorry for the no updates on my other stories, guys, but I hope this helps make up for it._

_Just a short, funny, Christmassy one-shot. Read and Review._

"Remind me again why we're doing this?" I asked Nathaniel for perhaps the tenth time in the last ten minutes.

"Because I want to do something good for a change." Came the grunted reply, as said magician attempted to lift an overweight five-year-old onto his lap.

"That's all very well," I said unhappily "But why do I have to help? I mean, if you want to spend your free time dressed up as Santa asking these annoying little brats what they want for Christmas, then that's fine by me. What's not fine be me is hafting to wait around in the guise of a reindeer letting those kids climb on my back for photo-shoots!"

_Santa_ grunted and finally managed to help the boy up onto his knee with the help of the little monster's father. He offered no further answer.

I thought my complaining (complaining, not whining. There's a big difference. I just don't know what it is) had finally got in through his thick skull and he would let me go. But of course Kitty (dressed as an elf incase you were wondering) had to ruin it. She bent down and gave him the most sickeningly sweet smile I had ever seen. The boy on his lap tugged on her fake pointy ear, annoyed at the interruption.

"I think it's a wonderful idea." She said, passing the kid one of the cheap teddy bears she was holding to keep him busy. Nathaniel blushed and grinned back at her. I made gagging noises in the background, which is very difficult when you're a reindeer.

When he was finished grinning like an imbecile, Nathaniel turned back to the brat in his lap and asked him what he wanted for Christmas, a list which included a "Robo-man", the Transformers movies, a long stream of violent video games and a puppy. Needless to say, by the end of it half the kids in the line had left and Nat's lower leg had gone a weird blue-ish colour underneath the red velvet pants from lack of blood.

I couldn't help but grin. Big mistake.

"Would you like to ride the reindeer?" he asked the boy. Uh-oh. Not _that _kid. Any of the others would have been fine. But him? He was a little round ball of blubber.

"Is it dangerous?" He asked. Yes. Dangerous reindeer. Stay away from the dangerous reindeer.

"No, no, he's quite tame." Hey! I'm not tame! I growled (also quite difficult when you're pretending to be Rudolf) to show how un-tame I was and the boy jumped.

"You ride him."

What? I thought. "What?" said Nathaniel.

"You ride him first, to show he's tame, then I will!"

Come to think of it…that was a good idea. That kid was almost as crafty as I am. Nathaniel, however, did not look convinced. He edged slowly away from me, retreating across to the other side of the stage.

I sidled up to him, butting him 'lightly' with my horns until he slowly climbed onto my back. He was all skin and bones, and possibly half the weight of that kid.

"Try anything and you'll have the Shriveling Fire the moment we get home." He whispered into my ear in what he probably thought was an ominous voice.

"Oh, but Nat," I whispered back, "Aren't you forgetting something? The Shriveling Fire only works if I directly and deliberately disobey a command. And you never told me not to…say, fly into that glass wall?

Nathaniel turned first white, then green (which clashed horribly with his suit) as I rose into the air, diving head-first towards the wall of windows opposite the "Meet Santa!" stand.

I just hoped that he didn't throw up on me.

Fifteen minutes later, Nathaniel was slightly singed around the cuffs (only first degrees burns, I swear), sodden wet (I'd only been trying to put out the fire, honest) and had lost his beard somewhere in Tesco's. He didn't look much like jolly Mr. Claus anymore, or jolly anybody for that matter.

"Put me down…" he moaned softly, not seeming to notice that we were back were we had started – above the Santa stall and a whole load of screaming kids. Whether the brats were happy, scared or simply over excited, they looked dangerous. Not even I thought Nat deserved to face that.

Then again, I wouldn't want the Shriveling Fire.

I performed a complicated aerial flip thing, dumping Nathaniel beside his chair and almost bashing into the "Have your picture taken with Rudolf!" sign that I was supposed to be standing under. I swerved at the last second and flew back around to watch the show.

The little boy who had originally sent him on the 'test drive' walked up to him and kicked him in the side of the head.

"You lied! You said the reindeer was safe! You're a _bad boy_! Your elves won't make you any presents!" Yep, naughty little Natty. Just keep kicking him…

"He's not even Santa!" Yelled one girl from the back, slightly older than the others, "His beard's gone! He's de-frer-shonating him!" It took me a second to work out that she meant impersonating, but when I did I couldn't stifle a laugh. Nat was in trouble now alright. Beware the angry mob of under-ten year-olds.

Turns out my un-spoken advice was a little to late for Nathaniel anyway, and the kids swarmed all over him, biting kicking, scratching and hitting at everything they could possibly bite, kick, scratch or hit, which at times included each other.

Kitty skirted around the edge of the pile of thrashing limbs and parents calling to their darlings to "leave the nice man alone", heading in my direction. I must say she didn't look terribly concerned about her boyfriend's safety.

"Should someone dial 999?" She asked casually, as if discussing the weather.

"999? You seriously think the police are gonna arrest these kids?"

"I was thinking more of an ambulance…"

"Ah. Give it five more minutes."

Kitty nodded reasonably and we settled back to watch the show. You know what? Being a reindeer wasn't so bad after all.


End file.
